As I sit here in the darkness of this early Winter Solstice morning, I find myself noticing how dark it is still. And then I remember that this is the shortest day and longest night of the entire year after all. I woke earlier than usual this morning after a long and restless night of clock watching and confrontational dreams to come sit in the dark. I read a blog post from Aluna Joy and she talked about the importance of anchoring love over fear during this powerful Solstice, and it strikes me that the fastest way to do that, the only way really, is to anchor love over fear in our own personal experience. I find myself saying the same things over and over to the people I work with; the world is a mirror, the things you see are a reflection of the things you think and feel.
Right now, our world is so tricky. Police brutality, terrorism, dishonest governments, disease, addiction, loneliness, frustration. Although we all avoid the the discomfort of these realities as much as we can, it’s next to impossible to be unaware of them in your own scope and not be affected by them in some way.
I’m very familiar with “not wanting to see” things. As someone who is very energetically sensitive, when I see pain, I feel it. Over the years I’ve developed an innately defensive posture, always trying to anticipate and block the next blow, whether it be seeing the pain and suffering in the world, or having to meet the needs of someone else, even though I’d rather stay blind to them. It all comes from a very fear based place. I don't think I’m alone in this either. We’re energetically sensitive creatures, some of us are just more aware of it than others. We all feel the pain and the fear and we try to manage it with things like cynicism, bravery, morals, values, religion, drugs, alcohol, media etc. It doesn’t matter what our own personal coping mechanisms are, what matters is recognizing whats really happening.
We’re all waging our own personal battles every day. We’re brutal to ourselves, our Superegos (our inner critics) act as our own personal terrorists and as our own dishonest governments. The things we say to ourselves, our fantastic expectations to be a certain way and the subsequent falling short of those expectations, can be cruel and unusual punishments. So it's no wonder that when we look out, we see those very things acted out on a global level.
So we have to start where we can, in our own experience. We can only anchor love over fear in our own hearts. We can't drop anchors in any other place without starting there first. The way to do that is to allow yourself to feel. It’s okay to be fearful and it’s okay to feel pain. When we try to push them away with a coping mechanism and try to ignore them though, they only get bigger.
So my challenge to you, on this Winter Solstice is for one day, today, feel what arises. If someone makes you angry, feel into the anger, let it be there (this doesn’t mean that you react; but rather that you just let yourself feel the fire of that anger) If someone touches your heart and makes you feel joy, feel it. Anything that arises in your experience, feel it. Invite it in, be curious about it.
See if by giving the emotion permission to just be there in your experience without trying to shift it, it helps you to be more aware of the inherent love that you have for yourself. (Because you do have inherent love for yourself, even if you can’t access it all the time) Even if all you can do is be present with the emotion briefly or feel that love briefly, you’ve taken the first step. You’ve began the very personal and necessary process of helping to shift the yourself, and the world at large. You’ve dropped that first anchor.