“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.” – Wayne Dyer
Have you been squeezed lately? Have you felt pushed up against a wall by someone else's expectations or has someone let you down because they didn’t live up to yours? What was your reaction? Anger? Defensiveness? Hurt? Intolerance? These are natural responses to suffering. When our boundaries are challenged we suffer, whether we recognize them as a boundary violations or not.
If we feel unseen or unheard in some way, we will react. As I write this, I find that I’m in a state of reactivity myself. The people around me feel intrusive, they keep talking and making it hard for me to hear myself think. My body feels restless and what I’m feeling is an overall defensiveness. As a general rule, I tend to feel instinctively that I’ve “really screwed things up,” no matter what the truth of the situation is. Now, lets look at it from a different angle. If defensiveness comes out when I’m squeezed, does that mean that what’s inside of me is defensiveness? Yes.
So what am I feeling defensive about? Is it really the loud people at the table next to me? Probably not. Could it be that the combination of the restlessness and the people talking are causing me to lose my focus? Yes. What happens internally when I lose my focus? I become incapable of getting anything of value done. What happens when I can’t live up to the standards I’ve set for myself around accomplishment? I attack myself. What happens when I attack myself? I have to defend against the attack, hence the defensiveness.
See how this works? I’m walking through this because I want you to take a moment and do the same thing for yourself.
Think of a recent situation where you felt your boundaries were crossed and it pissed you off.
1. What was your reaction? Is this your typical reaction when something like this happens?
2. Knowing that, what’s inside of you?
3. Why? What's really going on underneath your reaction? What’s gotten you to this place that this particular reaction comes leaking out automatically under stress?
As you get further along on your path of self awareness, you’ll want to practice looking at things like this. It’s imperative that you understand what’s inside of you and become familiar with your habitual behaviors, especially the ones that don’t make you feel good (like defensiveness).
Your challenge for the next 24 hours if you wish to take it is to notice what happens when you feel challenged. What does it feel like in your body? What is your immediate reaction? As usual, if you want to look at this with more depth, or get to the root trauma, I am available for one on one intuitive guidance. Just sign up for a complimentary clarity call (on the front page of the site) and we can see if we’re a good fit for each other.