Decisions

2014 1What do you want to create in 2014? Write a letter to the Universe (or Source or God or whatever your word for it is), much as many of us used to write letters to Santa Claus... "Dear Universe, in 2014, I would dearly love your help. Take away my need to control life and help me trust you. Help me feel your love, share your love, and BE your love. Here are my dreams…make them come true. Guide me and let me know what to do and when to do it. And if you have better dreams for me, I gratefully accept your gifts and your grace." And now, list your dreams, great and small, all of them, no matter how long it takes. And when you are done, as you read your letter out loud to the Universe, take time as you read each dream, to imagine you have already received it. What does it feel like? Stop and give thanks. Go on to the next. Repeat this reading/feeling as many times as you like in the years to come, for in truth, this is a powerful prayer, not just to ask, but to tune into that which you seek.

I didn’t write that. It came to me in a beautiful email from a woman who channels angels and it struck me as something that I should do. I love the idea. I love it so much that I wrote out my list and got really clear on some of my dreams and aspirations for this year. It’s a beautiful list and I was able to really hit on the things that are important to me going forward. My plan was to post them all right here, but then I got scared. Scared to share, scared to expose myself so deeply. I have a hard time discerning how much to share about myself, here on this forum. I read so many beautiful blogs written by women who pour their hearts out and move me so deeply; I want to create that same movement for other women. I feel so called to write things about myself and my process that may help someone else to see themselves in a way that they hadn’t before. But then I falter because after all, this blog for the past 8 years has been about jewelry. I’ve kept it intentionally impersonal because I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to expose myself in any way shape or form. I was writing from my image, not my soul. One of the things I’ve been working on lately is learning and developing appropriate boundaries. I’ve always struggled with having proper boundaries and I feel that most of us do. Mine have always felt either too loose or too rigid. When they’re loose, I hate myself for not having my shit together, not knowing better, not seeing it coming. When they’re too rigid I feel bitchy, sharp, mean, cold. I never know how much of myself to give or to show. I struggle with what’s socially correct, what’s polite, how will the other feel, how will the other see me, will people think I’m showing off, will people think I’m ridiculous, will sharing my process help someone out there in some way? My mind becomes this stew of self-consciousness and confusion and it’s hard to decide which direction to take; to share or not to share. Inevitably (according to me anyway) I choose the “wrong” one and then come down hard on myself for not having appropriate boundaries. confidence I’ve been trying to chart a course for my jewelry design business and my coaching and consulting business and trying to figure out an easy and succinct way to merge the two and I keep bumping up against this question of boundaries. Do I start a new blog and publish the deep stuff there and keep this one light and fluffy and happy-happy? Or do I assume that everyone who reads this blog: women buy my jewelry and those that know me personally, all have the capacity and interest to read about my personal process as it relates to my business and my life? Because while I am writing for myself, I am also writing for them. We all have so much wisdom to impart to each other and the only way we can all do that for each other is to develop our voice and communicate in whatever form that takes. Right? So the decision remains to be made. Is there to be a fork in the road or can I continue to walk this path albeit with one foot in jewelry and design and the other in coaching and writing?